Updated: Aug 28, 2022
Family systems are fundamental in developing the capacity to stand our ground.
Those who defend themselves, and those who don’t, are products of the environments they were raised in.
Standing our ground is a critical life skill.
Especially in societies where kindness is often misinterpreted as weakness; where compassion and vulnerability are generally underrated.
Given our social collective, discovering the power of our voice allows us to distinguish the boundary that exists between ourselves and others.
While you bring up some interesting points, many of us were raised in environments where children were meant to be seen and not heard. The prospect of standing up or speaking out was, at times, at the detriment of children raised in those settings. Children who recognized that even when they should use their voice, they were powerless in mitigating the consequences that defending themselves would entail.
This is true.
The effects of such a home environment, permeates into adulthood.
Children who do not feel safe to use their voice within their family systems, often devalue their voices as they get older, within their respective social networks.
So much inner work and healing is required, when raised in family settings where social hierarchy supersedes cultivating individual autonomy.
When the developing autonomy of a child is seen as a threat to the fragile, hierarchical, social familial system. A hierarchy established for law and order en lieu of development, support, and collaboration.
However these settings translated, normalized family dynamics provided us the tools required to navigate accordingly in society.
Effectively, or not.
We want to raise contributing and functioning members of society. Children who become adults, who have the confidence to create an impact. To that end, it follows that it is within the family setting that children develop the muscles and the social acumen required to use their voice, accordingly.
No one takes issue with children using their voices, but it’s embarrassing when your child talks back in public or breaks social norms. Child rearing comes with a collection unsolicited judgments and remarks, alluding to the fact that I don’t have control of my kids.
Parenting was never about controlling your children.
It’s about providing them with the tools to foster meaning and fulfillment out of life.
There was never one, singular way to parent your children to achieve that objective.
Parenting involves adapting to the needs and wants of each of your individual children.
There’s an adage that says, “No two children are the same.”
If your focus is on their wellbeing, then parenting is more responsive and adaptive, than it is about setting a tone of law and order, by establishing a social hierarchy that is strictly enforced.
The world needs each child to utilize their voice.
More importantly, the world needs each child to understand the power and significance of their voice.
You, as the parent or caregiver, often hold the key.