Identity is difficult to frame without drawing on the world around us.
We self-identify based on how we otherwise identify to the people, places and situations we are in proximity to. We find it the easier task to establish self in relation to the external, rather than a derivative of the thoughts, beliefs, and desires we carry within.
We give credit to the experiences that we believe have shaped our becoming.
We are, after all, products of the circumstances we were not just born into, but also the fortunate (or unfortunate) series of events of which we have found ourselves (re)born from.
The combination of shared and non-shared experiences that have coloured into the fabric we have crafted of ourselves.
And as life carries onward, we each represent our own personalized mosaic, a tapestry of memories, moments, as well as the scars, breaks, and beauty marks.
It is hard to see ourselves without first tethering to the life events that shape us.
Despite its accuracy, it sometimes hard to define identity as a product of a million and one day-by-day choices.
When we quietly take stock at who it is we have become, how recognizable are we to our former selves? To what extent have we allowed time to change us? Allowed our circumstance to excuse us from becoming the people we once dared to think we’d be. Are we better? Are we worse? Is it for better, or for worse? Do we dare be accountable? For the people we have become… Are we proud of this reflection, amidst the bruises and fading scars?
We can take this moment to blame the hard times… or to seek out the good times, tell ourselves that it is the day to day that ultimately decides.
That we can be the better version of ourselves when it’s easy, and when difficulty comes… who can blame the person who chooses to hide?
We can lay blame, or take blame… shrug our shoulders and call it a day. Or we can take the responsibility of the ways we chose to show up, we can recognize that we have aren’t just a bystander in our own lives. We have a pretty significant role to play…
Because whether the sun is shining or it’s pouring rain… it’s less of the life around you, and more what goes on inside you that has a say.
And we’ve never been beyond choosing, though sometimes we’ll give ourselves that excuse.
Those who made the choice to be happy, despite tragedy and trauma are living proof.
Who we are is not a product of circumstance, or even despite it - we are representations of every decision. We are the effect of every action and inaction.
Without feeling the need to justify, rationalize, or defend — how do your choices portray you?
Sometimes our surroundings can bring confusion. All intents and purposes, on the outside things can seem perfect. And if we stay at the level, focus on the superficial, cling to all the things that help make our sense of identity an easy answer — it can be comfortable. Hiding in plain sight, who we are never needed to be beyond what was within touch, taste, smell, and sight.
Until the canvas begins to fade, the bright and shining colours lose their allure or go out of style.
And suddenly this relational identity doesn’t hold up, though it had for a while.
But to look within now, with so much time having passed… it’s hard to grasp.
And if circumstances were to change, would we fade?
Are we the proud bearers of the choices we’ve made?
What we chose to see, and who we chose to ignore.
We are always the people that every choice demonstrates us to be… Whether we consider it as an honoured responsibility, or a begrudging chore.
If you want to get a glimpse of yourself... you don't need to look very far. You'll find your identity there amidst the million and one day-by-day choices, the ones you thought would never count.
You are present in the choices you've made when no one was there to watch, and the choices you made, when you made the choice to care, and also when you made the choice not to show up.
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